Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Forced marriages Vs arranged

Lets start of with forced marriages , in 2017 there were 26% of girls under the age of 18  being forced to get married . 34% were aged 18-25 and 20% was male victims. Lets not forget forced marriages isn't just targeted towards women it happens to men too the difference is they don't speak about it. 
Forced marriages isn't just in Muslim families it happens around the world.  Over 10 years ago i was forced to marry a violent man who was my ex because my "muslim" father thought i brought shame to the family. I didn't know what was happening & everything said in a language i didn't understand. I was stuck with this man for years (alot of brainwashing) . If you are Muslim and this is happening to you go to local charities to help you or speak to women in your mosque for advice /imam or even forums. There is plenty support out their please don't suffer in silence. Men please don't be ashamed seek the help you need. The same goes to whatever religon you practice or don't follow. 

It is always so easy to say leave them or why did you stay. So many threats can be said which become a reality. Or you don't want to lose certain people in your family , possible shame. 

If you are stuck in a forced marriage sometimes it can work out due to learning to compromise. But it isn't the way to go forward. Losing apart of yourself for another person ? Why ? .
Forced marriages also happen when family members find out about being gay , disrespecting culture/religon and relationships. 

Arranged marriages are totally different to forced and people still get them muddled up. Arranged marriage is exactly that . When a person wants help from their family or religous centre etc to find a spouse. No force. Some "arranged marriages". Are actually loved marriages where the groom goes to a girls family and asks for marriage. This happens alot now too. 

Only get into marriage if you are 100% sure . Don't be forced into it even if that means running away.
I have met women who have been forced to marry and their children have been killed out of "control" by the dad. 

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Working with special needs

In 2015 i started working with children that are deaf / have other special needs. I left a full time job to start supply in my dream job and during that time i got offered a full time job.
Starting of learning BSL was difficult but very rewarding. I would recommend learning it to improve your skills. Not just my skills but i helped children to learn sign language when they had no confidence. 

I have learnt a beautiful language & met some amazing people in these years. I was there for support , listen to their problems and be a friend when they had none.
I also taught a child to play a musical instrument who can't hear atal but gets so much from it.

1 of my tips would be even if someone you look after can't hear they can feel the music and understand it in different ways. Music is a amazing for sensory feedback. If you haven't tried a Skoog it's an great invention where you can play different songs on it / musical instruments. Children and adults love it.
If you work with a child that is deaf or special needs then please learn sign language / a parent please it is so important.

The most important thing is to talk at their level , research their likes & make a bond with them even if you don't have the same interests. Let them talk themself and don't interupt too.  Always support them and their dream so they can have a confidence boost. 
So many people think it doesn't matter but it does. 

Everyone might think i can't do it but i will show the world i can, i am me and i love it ( a quote from a child i work with ). 
Autism 

What does autism mean to you? Everyone has their own ideas when it comes to Autism which can be positive or negative.

Some topics i have came across
Ear defenders - You can get various kinds of ear defenders e.g. some block out all sound others are just for loud music/noises.

What calms them down? Sensory / therapy - There are so many brands on the market for sensory toys / chews which give back alot of sensory feedback (enjoyment). Some sensory toys i would recommend are kinetic sand, theraputty, gloop,  chewigem chews.
Breathing excercises are great too / yoga.

Noise ? Why does it affect them so much?
Sensory overload or feeling it is just to much. They can be very sensitive to different picthes /if there are echos that can make them unhappy or anxious. But also not everyone with autism hates loud noises some love to go out clubbing /parties with loud music and join in. Not everyone with autism is shy or wants to be alone BUT it is important to know when to leave someone alone.
Talking to someone with autism means you have to give them time to process it and some time alone is important if the enviornment is to much for them.

Fantasy/ focusing on one thing
Some people can have a fantasy of marrying abc or d or being the next prime minister well isnt that like every child around. Yes alot of people with autism have one or many things they focus on. I know of children who focused on cars/ transport and then could tell you everything about it. Or countries . Also cartoons or books can be another thing they may focus on.
But this can also lead to talents e.g. art , music and drama.

Why bother its not like they will get a job or anything?
What a idiotic comment to make first of all and second none of us knows what someone will do in the future. Everyone has their talents. Jim carey has a job a very well paid one and he has special needs . Will i am has ADHD and he has his own label. It is words like that which will break or make a child / adults dream. Let them dream even if that is all it is.
I can see the people i look after becoming artists, woodwork, drama , cooking etc. If people just give them a chance. Thanks to all the people who have supported me through my journey with our children and young people.

People used to say to me because i couldn't read of white paper i would never get a job. I never stopped trying. My first volunteer oppertunity when i was 17 looking after children and then a job continued after that in the same place for a few years. Then i finally got my dream job working with children with special needs. My moto is to never give up.
We can be whoever we want to be.

Thanks for all the ups and the downs
Because today it has made me who i am. Also Youtubers i would recommend are the aspieworld - he has amazing advice for everything. Also invisible i she is great

Welcome

Hi everyone and welcome to my blog.
My name is Yas Im mixed raced born and raised in scotland. I have dyslexia , dyspraxia & fibromialgia. I work with children who have special needs.
I decided to start this journey as i have been through different things and hopefully i can give some advice to help you. 
I will be posting topics ranging from special needs , mental health , abusive family members and exs. The list goes on(taboo subjects).